Friday, June 23, 2017

My life instead of writing

My time has been short writing wise due to work commitments. And this fucking air conditioner.

Two weeks ago, my AC wasn't cooling and wasn't at the temperature I set it at. Texted my AC guy, no response. Went up into the attic and noticed two pieces of duct had never been connected together properly and were currently about 6 inches apart. Text AC guy. No response. So I was basically like FINE! My 5'4 ginger ass is going to patch that duct work with Dr Google and youtube!

I find the part I need at Amazon because Lowe's didn't have it. Get the duct work properly connected, sealed, and duct taped to all hell. Feel more cold air. Rip more insulation off and see that the main duct that goes into the attic unit is just in there with no mastic to seal it. So I seal it.

My house is still hot and the AC is still running constantly. So I'm up in my attic, contorting myself around beams like I'm a Cirque du Soliel performer. I find ANOTHER joint that wasn't sealed properly. No mastic, no tape. The two pieces were just places together and covered in insulation.

Patch that and it's even hotter in here now. MY COCONUT OIL IS LIQUID!

So tomorrow, when I'm off, I hope I have enough tape to pull off every single bit of insulation to see how many other presents I find in my duct work so that my house will go back to a normal temperature.

Seriously, I think when they went to install the duct work in my attic, they went to the old Walmart that always smelled like popcorn and BO and got torn down 7 years ago, walked up to the first person they saw, and said, hey! We'll pay for whatever you are buying and throw in a $20 if you put some duct work in this attic! Either that, or it was a two fingered chimpanzee. I haven't decided yet. I just know I'd like solid coconut oil again and not have to deal with Louisiana heat and humidity while I'm inside my house

Friday, May 26, 2017

Mauve part 2, the full length, is done and I've set the scene for another full length book. But no cliff hanger because I fricking hate those. If you need me, I'll be in an editing blanket fort with nicotine, caffeine, and rum

And dear government looking at my search history, I'm not REALLY going to hack any government websites, it was just research for a book. I'm also not snorting cocaine or making gun powder and acid if you were looking at my search history for other books

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Friday, May 19, 2017

Combined works

When you put them all together, it looks like I actually got some shit done






































Mauve-The full length book. Coming soon

What do hackers, a hairless cat, hipsters, a botanist with a foot fetish, and dick pics have in common?

You probably sent me a messed up PM on facebook and got snarked on in Mauve's full length book. Nothing is sacred and I make fun of everything.

I think I went a little more Palahniuk than The Naked Gun with this one, but it's still in the same spirit as the original short story, even if I got a little gross. Grosser than barfing on someone. (That entire thing with the eggrolls totally happened to me in real life in the 6th grade when I was traveling with a group. I was stuck in a van for hours with just a garbage bag and a bunch of people mad at me for getting food poisoning) Thankfully, most gas station food has progressed since way back when I was 11. There's a pretty sweet gas station by my parents house that sells Greek food in the corner. Like, real, delicious Greek food that doesn't give you food poisoning.

Which is more than I can say for the grocery story by my house. Sometimes, when I edit, I need donuts. I crave donuts. I go all Homer Simpson for donuts and can't get any work done unless I get a donut in my face hole. Do you know how awful it is to get donuts ruined for you because you got food poisoning from donuts from the grocery store by your house? It put me off donuts for a good month. Until I needed to edit again.

Protip: When editing or writing, the Waitr app will deliver delicious donuts, Greek food, or Indian food directly to your facehole so you don't have to take a break to cook if you're in the middle of an intense scene

The Spirus box set

All four Spirus books, including the latest release, The Gifted Child, are now available as a boxed set on Amazon. Grab all four books for $8.99


Thursday, May 18, 2017

Special Agent Mauve

I had to scrap all the possible covers I had made for Agent Mauve's full length book because apparently Amazon considers firearms on covers offensive, even though there's a clear firearm accessory section of Amazon. Whatever. I made a new cover and now I have 2 potential covers if I want to extend the series. THis is the new cover and I'll be finished with it once I catch me some hackers and a botanist with a foot fetish

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Thursday, April 27, 2017

Special Agent Mauve and The Spirus

Special Agent Mauve was a silly little short story I wrote based on a dream I had and a rather mortifying experience in the sixth grade (if you've read it, the eggrolls happened to me in real life). A few reviewers have gotten upset with me because it wasn't longer and thought it ended too quickly.

So little Agent Mauve is getting her own full length novel. I'm about 15K words in. We see more of Mauve's personal life and there is a new mission with new shenanigans. Will Mauve save the day in her own special way?

I'm also working on the fourth book in the Spirus series. We learn more about the tribes and Lisana finally takes the throne. We learn more about the crowning ceremonies for the tribes and we explore what the Spirus gifts can do in this book.

There are things that are required viewing when I'm writing. There's either movies I watch or television shows. I ended up switching from showtime to Starz when I found out Starz was doing both the White Princess and American Gods. I also found a plethora of period time shows for me to watch while I'm working on the Spirus books. How did I not have Starz before? I've watched Outlander, Pillars of the Earth, and now I'm watching Davinci's Demons.

There is different required viewing for the Mauve series, which I'm working on at the same time. The fact that I can stream every single season of the Golden Girls is quite a beautiful thing. I'm working my way through season 1 as I write. Blanche is my spirit animal and I speak Sophia.

Also, Midnight's Sonata will be free on Amazon tomorrow. So be on the lookout. Mauve is getting her own book and the fourth book in the Spirus series will be dropping soon