Friday, June 23, 2017

My life instead of writing

My time has been short writing wise due to work commitments. And this fucking air conditioner.

Two weeks ago, my AC wasn't cooling and wasn't at the temperature I set it at. Texted my AC guy, no response. Went up into the attic and noticed two pieces of duct had never been connected together properly and were currently about 6 inches apart. Text AC guy. No response. So I was basically like FINE! My 5'4 ginger ass is going to patch that duct work with Dr Google and youtube!

I find the part I need at Amazon because Lowe's didn't have it. Get the duct work properly connected, sealed, and duct taped to all hell. Feel more cold air. Rip more insulation off and see that the main duct that goes into the attic unit is just in there with no mastic to seal it. So I seal it.

My house is still hot and the AC is still running constantly. So I'm up in my attic, contorting myself around beams like I'm a Cirque du Soliel performer. I find ANOTHER joint that wasn't sealed properly. No mastic, no tape. The two pieces were just places together and covered in insulation.

Patch that and it's even hotter in here now. MY COCONUT OIL IS LIQUID!

So tomorrow, when I'm off, I hope I have enough tape to pull off every single bit of insulation to see how many other presents I find in my duct work so that my house will go back to a normal temperature.

Seriously, I think when they went to install the duct work in my attic, they went to the old Walmart that always smelled like popcorn and BO and got torn down 7 years ago, walked up to the first person they saw, and said, hey! We'll pay for whatever you are buying and throw in a $20 if you put some duct work in this attic! Either that, or it was a two fingered chimpanzee. I haven't decided yet. I just know I'd like solid coconut oil again and not have to deal with Louisiana heat and humidity while I'm inside my house

Friday, May 26, 2017

Mauve part 2, the full length, is done and I've set the scene for another full length book. But no cliff hanger because I fricking hate those. If you need me, I'll be in an editing blanket fort with nicotine, caffeine, and rum

And dear government looking at my search history, I'm not REALLY going to hack any government websites, it was just research for a book. I'm also not snorting cocaine or making gun powder and acid if you were looking at my search history for other books

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Friday, May 19, 2017

Combined works

When you put them all together, it looks like I actually got some shit done

Mauve-The full length book. Coming soon

What do hackers, a hairless cat, hipsters, a botanist with a foot fetish, and dick pics have in common?

You probably sent me a messed up PM on facebook and got snarked on in Mauve's full length book. Nothing is sacred and I make fun of everything.

I think I went a little more Palahniuk than The Naked Gun with this one, but it's still in the same spirit as the original short story, even if I got a little gross. Grosser than barfing on someone. (That entire thing with the eggrolls totally happened to me in real life in the 6th grade when I was traveling with a group. I was stuck in a van for hours with just a garbage bag and a bunch of people mad at me for getting food poisoning) Thankfully, most gas station food has progressed since way back when I was 11. There's a pretty sweet gas station by my parents house that sells Greek food in the corner. Like, real, delicious Greek food that doesn't give you food poisoning.

Which is more than I can say for the grocery story by my house. Sometimes, when I edit, I need donuts. I crave donuts. I go all Homer Simpson for donuts and can't get any work done unless I get a donut in my face hole. Do you know how awful it is to get donuts ruined for you because you got food poisoning from donuts from the grocery store by your house? It put me off donuts for a good month. Until I needed to edit again.

Protip: When editing or writing, the Waitr app will deliver delicious donuts, Greek food, or Indian food directly to your facehole so you don't have to take a break to cook if you're in the middle of an intense scene

The Spirus box set

All four Spirus books, including the latest release, The Gifted Child, are now available as a boxed set on Amazon. Grab all four books for $8.99

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Special Agent Mauve

I had to scrap all the possible covers I had made for Agent Mauve's full length book because apparently Amazon considers firearms on covers offensive, even though there's a clear firearm accessory section of Amazon. Whatever. I made a new cover and now I have 2 potential covers if I want to extend the series. THis is the new cover and I'll be finished with it once I catch me some hackers and a botanist with a foot fetish

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Thursday, April 27, 2017

Special Agent Mauve and The Spirus

Special Agent Mauve was a silly little short story I wrote based on a dream I had and a rather mortifying experience in the sixth grade (if you've read it, the eggrolls happened to me in real life). A few reviewers have gotten upset with me because it wasn't longer and thought it ended too quickly.

So little Agent Mauve is getting her own full length novel. I'm about 15K words in. We see more of Mauve's personal life and there is a new mission with new shenanigans. Will Mauve save the day in her own special way?

I'm also working on the fourth book in the Spirus series. We learn more about the tribes and Lisana finally takes the throne. We learn more about the crowning ceremonies for the tribes and we explore what the Spirus gifts can do in this book.

There are things that are required viewing when I'm writing. There's either movies I watch or television shows. I ended up switching from showtime to Starz when I found out Starz was doing both the White Princess and American Gods. I also found a plethora of period time shows for me to watch while I'm working on the Spirus books. How did I not have Starz before? I've watched Outlander, Pillars of the Earth, and now I'm watching Davinci's Demons.

There is different required viewing for the Mauve series, which I'm working on at the same time. The fact that I can stream every single season of the Golden Girls is quite a beautiful thing. I'm working my way through season 1 as I write. Blanche is my spirit animal and I speak Sophia.

Also, Midnight's Sonata will be free on Amazon tomorrow. So be on the lookout. Mauve is getting her own book and the fourth book in the Spirus series will be dropping soon

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Crow Girl is FREE today

Crow Girl is FREE today on Amazon. Based on Irish folklore, Girl Girl follows Liam Collins and the wild girl that shows up in his garden patch stealing his peas


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Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Crow Girl is LIVE

I've been working on Crow Girl for the past three weeks and it's finally done. I was watching a zombie show when the idea came to me, then I threw in a little Ben Folds song, then Crow Girl was born. Oddly, there's no zombies in Crow Girl, just some Irish Folklore and some really awesome swear words I found.

I'm pretty proud of Crow Girl and hope people like it. You can get Crow Girl on Amazon, either through KDP or purchase">HERE

You can find the first 5-6 chapters for free on Instafreebie right here

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Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Salome: A Modern Retelling Giveaway

YOU get free shit, YOU get free shit, YOU ALL get free shit. I'm not really Oprah, but sometimes I like to pretend.

I'm doing a giveway of Salome: A Modern Retelling, where it's FREE until 3/31 on Instafreebie

Check it out

All I ask is that if you grab it, if you could please leave an honest review

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So Your Cat Wants to Kill You

I should pretty much never be left to my own devices. Like, ever. I need to be doing,minimum, two things at once. I had this covered up until recently. Now, I'm trying to bide my time by making the second thing I do during the day is read during down time.

I'm in a few review groups on goodreads. I had chosen a book from one of these review groups and was waiting on a copy. Two days had gone by and it still hadn't arrived. So I'm sitting here, just doing one thing, which is always dangerous.

So yeah, this happened.
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Why is your cat always plotting your death? Why do they always have to fuck shit up? What's REALLY with them always shoving their butthole in your face and why do they have to rub it on everything?

It should be up on Amazon probably tomorrow. It should be up on a few extended distribution shortly. Google play to come. It's totally silly, but there's some cat tips from my years of fostering cats

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Things published

I'm so awful at keeping up this blog. It's probably because my mind is gone because I appear to be seeing how long it's humanly possibly to live off caffeine, toast, and yogurt. And no sleep.

I've actually published 3 books since Christmas. The Spirus went live on Christmas Day, its prequel, Belisarus' Diary went live in February, then I published a modern retelling of the Salome story that I'm probably totally going to hell for, but it was a lot of fun writing.

Salome is actually up on Instafreebie until the 31'st, so you can grab it HERE if you'd like a copy, I'd just ask that you leave an honest review when you're done.

I prefer writing literary fiction, even though it's not a popular genre. I took a break to write The Spirus, The Spirus prequel, and Salome, but now I've gone back to write my latest, Crow girl, which I'm actually having fun writing.

I had two ideas for a setting. One was an hour away from me and the other was across an ocean to a place I have family, but have never been. I opted for across the ocean and am having a blast researching different swear words and slang.

So basically, if you want to read fantasy,The Spirus , The Spirus: Belisarus' Diary are available. If you want romance and kind of erotica, Salome  is availble

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Where is my mind?

I published The Spirus on Christmas day. Since then, I've published the prequel and I've furiously written most of another book.

When I was nearly done with the prequel to the Spirus, I knew I wanted to write the Salome story, but I kinda wanted to do it Norma Desmond style and not Oscar Wilde. As I'm writing the prequel, my brain starts screaming at me, but WHAT if you take it totally in this direction and go totally into left field with the Salome story?

My head would literally not stop screaming at me about the Salome story. I took about a weeks break and furiously wrote about 40K words in a week. Spent, I went back and finished the prequel and hit publish around February 15th or so.

I've been working on the Salome story since then and it's up to a little over 92K words in maybe 2-3 weeks. I'm pretty much done except the last chapter. Except I'm staring at this last chapter like my pit bull when I give her a crunchy treat. I have it in my mouth and I know I want to eat it, but I'm so excited, I've forgotten what to do with it. So I'm doing what she does when she gets a cookie. I'm essentially running around the room and jumping on and off the bed with a cookie in my mouth like, "I'VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I'M EXCITED!!"

This also could be because of the fact that while I plowed through this book, I stopped eating real food, dropped a ton of weight, and made myself sick. I thought I might want to eat real food again and was going to order delivery. Saw Waitr has Izzo's now and I could have had a big, beautiful vegetarian burrito delivered to my face hole. My stomach pretty much said, "Yeah, I still don't want to eat." So I closed the app and went back to writing.

I pretty much look like Gollum right now and I have to go to a family function later today. They are either going to A: throw food at me or B: their electronics are going to be so broken I spend the entire time huddled in the corner fixing them no one notices my resemblance to Gollum.

I did catch up on season 3 of Z nation while writing the Salome story. I have an idea for my next book, which, oddly, does not involve zombies considering I was watching a zombie show. It has 0 to do  with zombies and there's a Ben Folds song involved. Maybe it came to me because I was trying to distract myself from that really bad wig they put a character in. Hello, lace fronts are awesome. Use them.

My version of the Salome story is actually full of drug lords, cocaine, snitches, and sex. That's just where I decided to take it. I'm looking for people who want ARC's in exchange for a review. If you click"> here
and sign up, once I'm finished and done editing, I'll pop a free copy over to you for review

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Where covers go to die

I make my own covers. Generally, they are also photos I have taken myself aside from the Mauve series because I don't have the props for it here. I ended up having to use a stock photo for the prequel to The Spirus, which I still haven't blogged about, but is out, but all the art work to it aside from the photo is mine.

I have this folder full of covers that made it and covers in various states of undress where I started a filter and didn't like it. For the prequel to "The Spirus", I made a blue, purple, and red themed cover. Red was the one that won, Figuring out what I want to eat also usually takes 3 days and about 4 trial runs.

The book I'm working on now, I have about 6 versions of the cover that are potentials. I decided on one I liked and put my title and name on it. I have computer installed fonts and fonts I downloaded. I put a font I found and haven't used before on the cover and now I have no fucking idea which font it is for the spine.

I'm going to have to go on a font scavenger hunt when it comes time to put a paperback cover together. I'm getting close to finishing the book, which is a modern day twist on the Salome story. I only hope Amazon doesn't put this book in biblical fiction, otherwise, I'm going to piss a whole hell of a lot of people off

Thursday, February 23, 2017

My first hater

I pretty much have my first hater. I'm not sure if that means I've made and I can retire to my castle with pygmy goats. I know who it is and what their problem is.

Pretty much the only thing I will dignify with an actual response is that I was accused in public of using a ghost writer. Everything on online with my name on it was written directly BY me, usually after a 16 hour work day. I write between 4-6 hours a day, usually into the later hours of the night.

My work and writing schedule has changed 3 times since November due to where I work. I went from writing everything until the wee hours of the morning to having to get up way before my body was ready as a night person and having to learn to write in the afternoon. About a month ago, my schedule changed again. I work in the morning, I get a 4 hour break where I feed myself and try to fit as much writing in as I can, then I go back to work for a few more hours. I clock out and write for another few hours.

Basically, my knees are falling apart from the way I write. I danced for years, both for local companies and in school. My flexibility was quite loved by choreographers, but my bendy knees decided to give themselves runners knee the way I sit to write for so many hours. I don't run. Ever. If you see me running, you should run too because basically, the Walking Dead is happening.

So basically, I don't ghost write. My body is turning against me for the way I sit to write and I currently look like Gollum from staying up late to write and getting up early for work.

Say whatever you want about me because you're pissed, whatever. Vomit all over internet random shit about me. It's been 3 months and it's probably time to just move on. I'm generally not going to respond to it until you try to say my written word and my ideas are not my own and something I pay someone else for